Inaction

I’ve said many times that my biggest problem with writing is fear. But this morning I realized it goes beyond that. We’re all afraid. Being afraid is OK. In fact, the meaning of courage is not being unafraid, but acting even though you are afraid.

People flatter me frequently by saying they don’t know “how I do it all.” And I’m baffled because if you know how much I don’t do because of inaction, you’d not be so impressed.

I did not know how to deal with a weak professional relationship, and I lost six months due to inaction. I’ve wondered if I should wait for someone to make a decision for me, a decision I’m too scared to make, and I lose time. I wonder if I’m ready to start a project, or worried that once I start it, I’ll fail miserably, and I sit, inactive, afraid to start.

But one thing I’ve noticed is inertia is a scientific fact when you’re working. If you sit there and wonder what to work on, and you fret, and you worry, then you will enter a spiraling descent into the land of no productivity. Whereas if you pick something to do, something to write, someone to query, something to edit, you will then do something else once that is done.

Don’t get me wrong and go the other way- I’m not saying run pell-mell into something without planning or thinking. Research is a way to move forward. Planning, goal-setting, and all of those things are also actions instead of inactions.

You know, I don’t feel like 38 is “old,” ie, I don’t feel bad about being this age, I am pretty damn happy where I am – but I am getting a sense of “holy crap, you’re 38, you can’t afford to waste six months on inaction.” Whatever age you are, I think, you can’t afford to waste time on inaction. Even if you move to do something, and you screw it up, you can fix, it, or take the lessons, dry your tears, and move on. That’s not wasting time, that’s learning.