Hey- I know you’re feeling it. I know you’re sitting there with this weight on you and you don’t want to tell your significant other, or your best friend, or your writer’s group because they’ve heard it before. And you know that if you go to them, this will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, the one whine-fest they just are so freaking tired of listening to that they will cease to love you.
It’s okay. You’ve got me.
It’s hard, isn’t it? You watch your contemporaries finish that novel, or snag that agent, or secure the three book deal. They make it look sooooo easy, don’t they? Ask them, and they’ll ruefully smile and say they’ve been working for ten years trying to get published, but you don’t believe them. Or you’ve been working for longer than ten years, and you do believe them, and you hate them.
The mantra goes on in your mind and you can’t stop it; you’re not talented, or you’re talented and no one notices, and they’ll never notice, and you’ve worked so hard and you honestly don’t know what next to do because you’re just so gosh darn tired. Is your work in progress worth finishing? Is it really the tripe you think it is? Do you continue trying to sell the thing you’ve completed? Do you give it away online? Do you trunk it? The mere thought of making the decision makes you want to weep. The decision is overwhelming, because heck, you’re at the beginning of your career-and publishing is so volatile and weird these days, veterans are also struggling with decisions-and so how should you know what the best thing to do is? And you either don’t have an agent to help you, or you have an agent but you don’t want to whine at them and make them think, “Oh crap, I have one of those clients…” and dump you at their first chance.
Here’s a little secret. Indecision is what kills you. Inaction is death. We are sharks. As long as we are writing, and working, and submitting, and making decisions, we are moving forward in our careers. When we stop, paralyzed, not knowing which path to take, that’s when our gills cease functioning and we drown. You may not take the “right” path. You may not take the smartest path. Heck, you may take a totally wrong path and get eaten by a grue (you did bring matches, right? #geekjoke). But you are moving, and moving means you are writing and doing the things that writers do.
Indecision in your career is as damaging as writer’s block. Whatever grinds you to a halt on either the creative or the business side must be removed, beaten soundly with a club of righteous fury, and discarded like last month’s lunch meat. The important thing is moving forward. I’m not saying make decisions blindly, I’m saying don’t get frozen and frightened. Research your options. Let a trusted friend (who is a writer) help you decide whether the story is “submit, trunk, or destroy.”
And honestly, when despair hits, don’t forget that it could have other triggers. Lack of sleep. Lack of food. Perhaps you were at a con this past weekend and took your medication on an erratic schedule. Never underestimate the power of a meal and a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow may look brighter.
But tonight, I’m here for you. And I’m saying what you’re feeling is okay.
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19 Responses to Despair. And Sharks.
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Or…
You were at a con this weekend, got a better amount of sleep than most, took your medication on schedule because you’ve learned, ate on time because your husband made you but then pulled the tendons in your arm trying to open the car door with your preschooler in your arms and then hit yourself in the face with your laptop.
Yep…that’s me. I did write more than 700 words yesterday before I hurt my hand/arm and hit myself in the face though.
I watched an episode of Dr. Phil recently – not something I am normally prone to do – and he made that point that you can’t not choose when presented with a decision, that actually choosing not to act is in itself a decision.
Ten years? That’s all?
You’re absolutely right–there is no time limit. You can’t control what agents, editors, booksellers, or all their corporate masters that make up “the publishing business” are doing, have done, or will do, but you can control your reaction to it. If you can be discouraged, chances are you should have been.
I can not tell you how much I needed to hear that today! Thank you Mur.
@Liadona I hit myself in the face today with one of those cedar planks you put in closets–drew blood. I empathize.
Ouch, Lisa. Well no blood, but I potentially see a splint in my future. So not what I would like when I am just starting to vamp back up after reading the first draft. But oh well…things could be worse and I would rather write than do anything else.
Oh crap. I wrote a scene this morning where MainCharacter and two allies are cornered by the big bads. There’s only one way out of the maze-ish spot they’re in, but they can’t find it. Ally #1 finds the breaker box and kills the lights, illuminating the exit with the daylight outside. Ally #2 says they can’t go because the big bads will see them go out the door. MC remarks that it’s better than staying there and tempting the grue.
It was a for-fun, get the pen moving before the “serious writing”, scene but I still feel like a complete dork.
This was awesome! Thanks for sharing.
From what I’ve read, it takes ten years to become good at anything. My bad habit is trying to find out when a writer broke into the bookstands. If they were in their thirties or forties, it makes me feel emboldened. If they were in their twenties or (god forbid) teens, then I despair and think about trunking everything. No one wants to read another middle-aged writer and boy did I have have some good hair back then.
Getting over the im-too-damn-old-to-be-successful hurdle is my challenge.
[...] and wear my glory or shame quietly, but after some conversations at Balticon and then reading Mur’s blog post this morning, I’ve realized I’m not the only person in this [...]
Mur -
Thanks for the post. It got me thinking about a little competition designed for those of us struggling to level-up. Anyone wanting to play, check out the “Ass-Moving Experiment” post at jdsawyer.net
-Dan Sawyer
I love your experiment idea, dan, so glad to have added a bit of motivation!
[...] Lafferty would not be quite so good at totally kicking my ass. I like my carpet square of Comfort and Neurotic Longing, damn [...]
Ok, so then I shouldn’t hang the rewrite I was working on and sleep.
GOT IT.
Uh, what? That’s pretty much the opposite of what I said.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Er, read. Thank you.
Thanks for this, thanks so much. I’ve been dragging my feet with the first edit of my novel; I know there’s a lot to add, and I know where to add it, I’m just afraid I won’t add it right. I know that’s stupid, I just needed a good swift kick in the pants. Thanks for that kick.
Good God, a Zork joke?!?!?
inspiring post, mur. thank you!! i’m also working on a re-write like many other posters. sometimes i get overwhelmed when i see how much i have to edit. it’s a lot of work, but every day the draft is looking better than the day before. and that adds up. speaking of which, let me get back to it.
Thank you, Mur. That’s all I can say…