Apologies and Confidence

Confidence by Spolay CC license BY-SA

I constantly downplay my strengths. I apologize.

“Oh, I have only one book out,” I say. What I don’t say: And I’m possibly the third most popular podiobook author – according to the download stats I’m privy to.

“Gosh, I don’t know if I am qualified to speak about podcasting.” What I don’t say: I’ve just been doing it regularly since 2004, and have produced and hosted over five video and audio shows and seven original fiction podcasts. Oh, and I wrote a book about it. Get it at indie bookstores.

“Sorry this podcast might cross a line or two.” What I don’t say: People are saying it was one of the funniest shows I’ve done.

“It might not be as good….” “Sorry this is all I had time for…” “I hope you like it…” I make this mistake all the time. And I think many writers do it too. We’re so used to being rejected- which is standard for this business- that we are either setting ourselves up to expect, and perhaps lessen the sting of, rejection. But what we’re really doing is setting up the recipient to expect sub-standard work. Regardless of whether it’s good or not, they’re going in with low expectations.

Sometimes low expectations are good. You can pleasantly surprise someone. Personally, I’d heard for years that the movie Johnny Mnemonic was horrid drek, so when I finally saw it, I actually had such low expectations that I enjoyed it. But it can also backfire: it can give people a little suspicion that something better is out there, and if there is something better out there, why should they waste time with your creation? But far more damaging: it tells them that you are not confident in your work, and that you are OK with giving them something that’s not your best.

And perhaps you’re not confident in your work, but you’re confident to give it to them. You’re confident to request their time, whether it be a podcast listener, an agent, an editor, or a first reader. So if you have enough confidence to show them your work, show that confidence.

I hear on Twitter and on blogs about people apologizing to agents all the time in queries. “It’s been rejected X times by Ms. Big Shot Agent and Mr. Fancypants Agent.” “I can make edits if you need me to.” (Note, be open to edits, but not till they ask for them.) If you can’t believe in your work on step one, what makes the agent thing you can believe in your work when it hits the shelves?

Having someone believe in you is awesome. It’s stimulating and helpful and I’m not saying we don’t need support. It’s always good to have someone to tell you that you that you’re awesome when you’re feeling down. But that doesn’t take your responsibility away to believe in yourself and your work. What you should use those friends for is to reveal your insecurities, and then leave them in that private spot. In public, in professional settings, you believe in yourself, and if you don’t, you fake it.

Why do you think my chosen online nickname is “mightymur” – you think I really believe that?