It’s not all positive. It’s not all “go eagle go” and “persistence is king” and all that.
Sometimes it really [expletive deleted] sucks.
Now, don’t worry about me. I’m not horribly depressed- I’m much better than I was last week, and decided to blog about it while I was on the upswing instead of when I was down in the dumps. My job in this podcast and blog is to explore the track to getting published, the lessons I learn, and to cheer you on and let you know it can be done. But I never said it was easy.
It’s not easy now. Sometimes people look at what I’m doing and see my career moving forward, but for me, this year it’s felt like I’m spinning my wheels. Academically I know that I’m writing more than ever, and getting better, and making connections, and signing with a new agent, and more. But we’re not talking academics and logic. We’re talking emotions. And I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. I feel like the writing is tripe and predictable. Complete and obvious drivel. I’m suffering from impostor syndrome, just convinced everyone is going to find out I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.
We all have bad days. It’s recognizing that they are just that- bad days. You move on and keep working. You’ll have good days eventually. If you let the bad days get to you, then the terrorists win.
Or maybe the winners are the people who don’t let the bad days get to them. I want to be one of those people.
I had my bad days. I may have more very soon. Time to woman-up, get over myself, and write.
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Hope this isn’t too presumptuous of a first comment, but I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling and am glad you are on the upswing. I think low periods can happen to everyone at every stage. Whenever I meet a goal, even one I’ve worked on for years, I spend about 2 seconds basking in it, and then move on to think about the next 20 things I need/want to do. There’s always more to accomplish and I’m guessing I’ll always approach acheivement that way no matter what rung of the success ladder I manage to reach.
As for feeling like an imposter and not liking what you’ve written, again I think that can happen to anyone no matter where they are. E.B. White was apparently really insecure about his writing, all throughout his career. I keep expecting that I’ll get to a point where it’s easy, and I don’t have to struggle to get the words and ideas just right. But I think there will always be down phases. I’m not sure if that’s encouraging or not!
BTW, I still want to comment on your excellent writing and parenting ISBW. I have lots of thoughts–because the two are woven together for me–I didn’t really start writing fiction until I became a parent, and think I am a better parent, because I’m a writer.
Thanks for all you do to encourage writers! Hope the upswing continues!
Take care,
Renee
Thank you, Mur. The last sentence of your entry hit home for me; I’m also fighting the dark clouds, and I know part of it is that I’m not writing. I listen to your podcasts via iTunes. I sat down at the computer to “get back to it,” and of course found many convenient distractions (including your site) but the Write or Die link is definitely going to get a trial. Thanks again.
“I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. I feel like the writing is tripe and predictable. Complete and obvious drivel. I’m suffering from impostor syndrome, just convinced everyone is going to find out I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.”
You too, huh? My NaNo project and I hate each other at the moment; I’ll spare you the “what am I doing wasting this opportunity” mindf*ck I’ve been doing for the past few days. I think the best thing for me to do is put it down and work on something else, because I will at that point at least be writing, and we all should be writing, right?
“If you let the bad days get to you, then the terrorists win.”
Well said.
I’m glad you’re having a better day and an upswing. I hope it swings farther up. We all think you rock.
Heather said: “We all think you rock.”
Here here!
Mur,
We had out first snowfall in Vancouver; many vehicles were stuck in the snow and I felt the same. Even though I finished the 5th draft (or something) of a short novel this week, I still feel like I’m at the bottom of the snow-covered hill wondering how far I’ll get before the truck slips off the side. So glad to hear I’m not alone.
I’ll be listening to your podcast on the way home tonight; it’s a great way to help stay on the road.
Cheers,
Geoff