ISBW #41 - Shyness
- Heaven seems to be turning into a novel.
- I don’t have very many short stories.
- Submission bomb controversy started at Charles Coleman Finlay’s blog.
- Shyness sucks. Here’s how to deal.
- The info I could find on first novels is at Justine Larbalestier’s site.
- Jay Penney’s blog, covering his usage of Holly Lisle’s One Pass Rewrite.
Write, already!
About the Author: I am a writer and podcast producer, writing for magazines and RPGs. I am a wanna-be fiction writer with several short fiction, comic scripts, and one novel sale. Playing For Keeps will be out August, '08.
Amanda | Jun 19, 2006 | Reply
On the subject of shyness…
When it comes to talking to people face to face, I usually don’t have much of a problem with things. Same with putting myself out there with something like a website, or speaking in front of a crowd. The more people the better, because I actually sort of feed off of it. Video cameras also don’t intimidate me, nor does having my photo taken. I think things like these are fun, and I often wish I was famous or popular so I could go out to book signings or conferences and have the opportunity to talk to lots of different people.
However, when it comes to picking up the phone and calling someone, I am an entirely different person.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, or a stranger. The phone is my enemy. I absolutely freeze when it comes time to call someone. All the horrible things that could go wrong run through my head. What if I get a wrong number? What if I get the right number and I leave a stupid message on their machine? Are they really happy to hear from me, or are they just barely tolerating my presence out of politeness? What if I don’t introduce myself and they don’t know who I am? What if, what if, what if. I’ve left you voicemails a couple of times now for ISBW, and I am not kidding when I say that it is truly a monumental achievement for me to get those things out to you. I literally have to sit there at the phone, pysching myself up to call. And this is after I’ve written down what I want to say, rewritten it, then rewritten it a third time to make sure I’m concise and timely. Sometimes I pick up the receiver and put it back down because I just can’t get the nerve to dial.
Eventually I manage to do it, because my degree of mental control is just that darn spiffy, but it’s quite an ordeal. And after the first voicemail I left for ISBW, I wanted to throw myself off a cliff for about an hour afterwards. “Oh my gosh, what have I done!” I yelled at myself. “I’ve gone and tormented poor Mur with my quavering voice and stupid question.” Thankfully this is starting to go away the more often I call, but it was still a very difficult experience, made more so by the fact that I didn’t really *need* to do it. I mean, your podcast would probably be just fine without my voicemail questions. But I really, really wanted to do it, and I knew it would be good for me. (It was) Of course, that didn’t make it any easier.
And some times are worse then others. For example, calling my mom at work for baking advice is a breeze. I pick up the phone, I dial, I ask my question, I tell her I love her and that she should call me if she gets bored, and I go back to my cooking. When I call a friend…well, it depends on how long it’s been since I’ve spoken with them last, or how well I know them. Many of my friends I met over the internet, so I’ve never seen them face to face. So it can be intimidating. And with strangers, such as yourself, it’s absolutely petrifying. Which is funny, because I know you’re a nice person and obviously you don’t laugh at my voicemails. But still. I think it’s all related to how well I know someone, and how great my need is. Obviously I’m not going to hesitate to dial the phone if my house is on fire.
So I am with you 100% on the shyness thing. It’s tough. The only way to get through it for me is to take a deep breath and remind myself that my fears are irrational and the worst thing that can happen is I’ll be horribly embarrassed for a day. Maybe more then one. But I will survive, and eventually, I’ll be able to look back on the event without that nasty knife-in-the-stomach feeling. And through this process, somehow I make it. I would encourage you to test yourself a little as I have, maybe step outside your comfort zone a little bit. Maybe not every day, (and if you’re like me you’ll probably put off that scary thing until you’ve watched at least four episodes of Doctor Who beforehand) but often enough so that you start to get used to it. Because these are things that we need to be able to do, and I don’t know about you, but I want to be able to say “no power in the ‘verse can stop me”, and *mean* it.
clumz | Jun 20, 2006 | Reply
Hi Mur and readers,
I’m commenting on the blog mostly because I am hoping it might help a few people.
I think when it comes to shyness, it has very little bearing on how or whether the editor is going to look at your story.
I’ll create two fictional situations, Jed and Ben.
***
Jed walked up to Mr. Editor with his literary masterpiece in hand.
“P-P-P-Pardon me, M-Mr. Editor but I wuh-wuh was wondering if you c-could look at my story.”
Jed then turns around and walks off, spilling Mr. Editor’s red wine in the process.
***
Ben walked up to Mr. Editor with his literary masterpiece in hand.
“Pardon me, Mr. Editor I have some of my latest work with me. Would you mind taking a look at it?”
They strike up a friendly conversation and Mr. Editor says he’ll certainly take a look at Ben’s work.
***
Now when Mr. Editor returns to the office what are the chances, based on the interaction between Mr. Editor and the two writers, that one or the other story is going to be published? I think they are slim to none, and slim just got on the bus. Actually, I don’t mean that at all, I think they don’t even correlate. Ben can be the most wonderful person in the world, but if he can’t write a good story, well then it really doesn’t matter. If Jed stutters on every syllable and spills red wine on everyone he meets but writes plots like Dick, prose like Chekhov, and characters like Rice, well then Jed’s probably going to get published.
So what it is, is be yourself. Editors are in the business of publishing not in the business of being woo’ed by writers.
However, for all you female editors out there in need of wooing by aspiring male writers I will volunteer my services. (I couldn’t resist that one since feminism was on the agenda and I have this gene for trouble-making).
On a serious note editors respect writers for what they do best. Not all writers are nice guys, not all writers are polite, not all writers are eloquent public speakers… but that doesn’t matter. What writers do best is write and that is all that matters.
Writing for trade journals and periodicals is different than writing fiction. A person can networks themselves into magazines and newspapers, but a writer doesn’t woo themselves into Asimov’s or Analog. They write a damn good story the editors like and they think their readers will like.
I personally want to be judged by my merits as a writer, as I would hope other would want to be. This might sound like some type of sanctimonious prose but it isn’t … it’s selfish. Not selfish from the perspective of the writer but as the reader. When I pick up an anthology I want the stories to be worth my time. If it’s the editors’ buddies that are getting printed and not the good stories then I’m not a happy camper because they wasted my time, making me read lousy stories.
A final note. Though I’m not an editor I do know that different jobs require different skills. When I interviewed people for tech jobs, some were very nervous. Nervousness was an attribute that didn’t apply. I knew some people were nervous but these people weren’t applying for jobs in sales, marketing, pr, hr, or consulting. So I didn’t care. I measured them on other attributes.
This is how editors work as well. If I may I suggest you go back and listen to one of your earlier podcasts about submission or Tee Morris’ and listen to what you guys say about it. The same applies for person-to-person talks I am sure.
They strive for neutrality. They do everything in their power to eliminate the ‘persuasion’ factors. Ok, yes, maybe a bit of an exaggeration.
But let’s trust the editors a little bit more and give them the respect they deserve.
Sincerely,
Arthur
P.S.: Any editors out there… did I get any brownie points for that? Please write and tell me. I’ll be nice too. I’ll bring flowers. Chocolates. My short stories as well.
Sincerely,
Arthur
Mur Lafferty | Jun 20, 2006 | Reply
Arthur-
Personality does count. Firstly, if you’re two shy, you’ll never get to the “Pardon me, Mr. Editor” phase. Secondly, let’s cut the editor out of the picture and say you’re approaching an agent. The writer-agent relationship is a business relationship that can last years, if it’s good. You need to show yourself to your agent as someone who can work well with them as well as someone who can be worthwhile to send on a book tour. If you’re too shy to deal with crowds, you’re not going to be good for interviews and book signings and readings, and therefore won’t be a good commodity.
So yeah, it boils down to the quality of the work, but if both works are equal worth, they’re going to go with the friendly confident author. Miss Snark has said as much.
clumz | Jun 20, 2006 | Reply
Hi again Mur,
I guess what I was trying to say was that it’s so important for us to be ourselves and not worry if we are going to fumble, as writers that is.
In your podcast you used the example of shyness in regards to dating. I don’t think you can compare these two. In the stranger meets stranger to maybe date stranger scenario … it’s a one time shot with no preparation and no second chances.
If I would give any advice to shy writers (myself surprisingly being one) I would say this:
Be prepared.
Preparation has nothing to to do with shyness.
In other words, have a short story or two ready on hand in an envelope with a sase and a cover letter available. If it’s a novel have a chapter or two ready, and a synopsis.
Actually have a few of these ‘packages’ on hand.
I imagine lots of people go to writer thingie’s and see editors and they are like, “omigod,omigod, an editor” and then try to spearhead there way in very unwooingly like, “hey I’ve got like this uh novel I’ve written and uh.” And they don’t have a single piece of paper on them. That’s not good, but that has nothing to do with shyness and has everything to do with preparation.
To conclude, I’ve listened to your podcast for a while now, and donated to it as well, I even wrote you a long mail when you put that personal podcast a ways back to return the thanks you’ve given in your shows.
But on this point of shyness, I must digress… emphatically. Ok, maybe, it matters a little, but that little is so little that any energy wasted on ‘correcting’ it should be applied to the writing and preparation instead.
Sincerely,
Arthur
Mur Lafferty | Jun 20, 2006 | Reply
Arthur-
I honestly don’t mind people disagreeing with me, as long as it’s done on an intelligent level and not on a troll level.
The whole thing about this podcast is the fact that I am a wanna-be, and my advice may be taken with a grain of salt.
Hell, all advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
And you have excellent points, being prepared is the most important thing (well, that and writing…)
Thanks for listening for so long, and donating, and writing in emails and on the blog. I do appreciate it.
Donovan | Jun 28, 2006 | Reply
Regarding the email by Peter Simmons: Obviously if you have a fear of expressing yourself or a fear that your writing is laced with Freudian slips that allow your audience to “accidentally” see into your psyche, then perhaps writing (for a mass audience at least) is not for you. I don’t see this as a problem, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with keeping writing private, limiting its exposure, or using a pseudonym (I use several, for different reasons). The healthy response, however, would be to use your obvious talents therapeutically to face these fears head on. Also consider the possibility that this is another one of those “little excuses” that are masking a greater fear, such as fear of failure, being told you are a bad writer, or just generally not being accepted.
Where there obviously is no magic button solution, a general one I often use is something I heard Steven Brust give at a con once. Steven keeps a sign on his computer that says “Write something you think is cool.” It doesn’t matter if it’s the perfect scene, the most intelligent plot twist possible, or the perfect representation of your personality and message. If you think it’s cool, chances are someone else will. I’ve found that simple phrase works for writer’s block, fear, insecurity, discouragement, and general story frustration.
As for my own hang-up, I fall on the other side of that line. I know that I maintain a healthy separation between my id and my written fiction. However, I fear the audience doesn’t understand this and will read too much into what I write. For example, a friend once accused me of basing a female protagonist her (similar physical description and occupation). Since the character in question was something of a weak victim, the friend assumed this must be how I felt about her. Frankly, I use Pearson’s archetypes to create initial character sketches. I don’t know of any “real life people” who are interesting enough to be in fiction. I don’t think she believed me.
This, however, started something of a chain reaction. I quickly became self-conscious about the protagonist in a different story, whose main character flaw was that he was a chauvinist and racist. Would people mistakenly think I was expressing my own views? Oh, and let’s just forget my long-held desire to write a homosexual character. That must mean I’ve got “unresolved issues” of my own.
Johan Nilsson | Aug 3, 2006 | Reply
I think shyness for success is more common than one thinks. I know that I am shy. Not only for the thing I write, I’m shy about almost everything I do. Unfortunately.
Thanks for a great show! I think you have a very beautiful and easy-to-listen-to voice.
Leandra | Aug 1, 2007 | Reply
I’m shy, too, and I stumbled across this story online that I could totally relate to:
http://www.gurl.com/showoff/stories/articles/0,,605673_711530-1,00.html